Writing my life (inst #1)

Humble beginnings should fit. Though I can not say for certain; it is likely. I would even go so far as to assume that if there have been no lavish living arrangements since I can remember then there were none before my memory began serving me.


In all actuality, my memory extends pretty far back though I have few details on my first home. Most memoratic visuals are a mash-up of pictures and detail pulled from stories and recounts of days gone by. Details which are no doubt enhanced and embellished by my own vivid imagination, then falsely fortified by my keen observance of homes and collections thereof.


No, I don’t remember my first home but I do recall my first house fire.


From what I gather, we lived in an apartment on the second or third floor. A small rather cramped place providing shelter for three generations and the majority of this group were women. The strong matriarch of the family, my grandmother Francess Brown Forney, and the constant whirlwind of aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends of which I cannot pinpoint what portion were fixed residents and what portion were squatters or visitors.


So many details are vague, subject to interpretation. Although these memories coincide with the ‘Living days” of my mother, I am completely unable to recall a memory that incorporates her. I have no visual that I can recall.

Still ~*~ Holding Your Breath

Still ~*~ Holding Your Breath




One step one breath it all makes sense
That is until trouble steps in
With an all consuming thickness of air
That stifles breathing and leaves despair
Giving a vision that could be the end
As all turns dark – your world closes in
Not wanting to hear “Just give it time”
That’s crazy, that’s too much: My time is mine!
Not truly believing it’ll work out in the end


Not seeing the grace that makes amends


One step one breath just as it should go
Seconds into minutes that’s all I know
Forward motion just as progress implies
The progressive motion now being denied
Stuck with no air and accosted with pain
The end before completion is work in vain
not knowing what I feel and see isn’t true
because it really hurts, I can’t breath, can’t move
not able to see this breath’s not my last


Unable to remember “This too shall pass”


One step one breath, one day at a time
One foot then another is the way we climb
Right now I’m doing all I can do
For right now I’m unable to see my way through
Pathetically stuck, besieged on each side
Not willing to run, no place safe to hide
Not thinking emotions are funny that way
They come on so strong but then fade away
and all that I feel in the midst of pressure
Will change in some form, fashion, or measure


I’ll say this much - I can’t stand the pain


I stand still – I don’t breath – till I’m ready for change


How long will this go? – we’ll all wait and see
If I save myself or someone saves me


Princess Kimberly DBW  - Original March 24, 2011

~searching for understanding and acceptance ~

Unknown to many


searching for understanding and acceptance
been searching for a long time among my community
searching without end among friends and family
hoping no one would ask - praying someone would


It's no big deal - only a few aspects of life
but its such a big deal
they will shut you out of their life ~*~ shut you out of their forever
their eternity ~their heaven
~but GOD accepted me long ago ~


The people around me make it hard


The people around me leave me searching


Searching for stories and people to relate to ~*~ searching for connections
searching for understanding and acceptance
COG
No worries Just wonder.

Know Me? ~In your eyes I'm . . .

Because when you asked I answered. . . so you thought you did; however you don’t know me . . . but you could if you tried




How much better would I be if I kept it hid so you wouldn’t see?
You would think so much more of me; but, I wonder how much better would I really be?


Would you think it was great that I refused to love?


Oh that’s right you wouldn’t care to know.
Would virtue then be added to me; and better yet, would it show?


Would you then say I am kind and sweet, taking note of my generosity?
Just one of many traits you didn’t see when you thought you knew me.


You thought you knew me from one word and a look


It can’t tell you how smart I am, it reveals not health, nor wealth, nor lie.
And yet I can’t clearly explain it as attraction, or feelings, or drive.


I would love to say it’s the soft and sweet
but unpredictable is what it turns out to be


As unpredictable as Love


I just want to say it’s NATURAL to me, but that’s not allowed in this society
And it’s common knowledge that is God who’s condemning me.
YOU say if it were up to you, you would leave me be.


But I simply do not believe any of that is true
God loves me, but YOU think you know me, thus I’ll never do.


In your eyes I’m not His child Loved unconditionally – You feel you are much better than me
And you think there is simply no way you will see . . .


Me in heaven?


Won’t you just be so surprised?


And there IS the chance the surprise will be mine . . .


I could be wrong, but YOU? Never!!!!! You Know ME


Kimberly White
January 2011